The Death of Happiness: Killing Our Children's Futures Device by Device

"Friendship? Yes Please." 

                                        ~ Charles Dickens

Now more than seven decades old, one of the longest continuous studies in the history of American Research is the Harvard Study of Adult Development, and one significant finding from this study is that a key to raising happy children and being happy adults is friendship.  

Collecting more objective evidence on the subject than researchers of any other study, The Harvard Study of Adult Development began in 1937, examining more than 268 physically healthy and "well-adjusted" Harvard sophomores.  Following its subjects for more than 70 years, this study has become the preeminent example of a longitudinal study.  Including the original study beginning in 1937, the study’s longtime director, George E. Vaillant, M.D. Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, has studied adult development, including the lives of more than 800 men and women for over 60 years.  The consistent findings of all of this study show successful relationships are the closest thing researchers have been able to identify as the most significant key to happiness. Positive relationships beginning as early as childhood have shown to be the most important predictors of happiness and success as people age.

Brain science tells us that one way to make and keep friends is to be good at interpreting non-verbal communication.  Doing this accurately takes years of experience in face-to-face interaction with human beings, and studies in neurobiology have shown studying and playing a musical instrument increases this ability.  

Pausing to highlight two significant things I just said. . .

Doing this accurately takes years of experience in face-to-face interactions with human beings

and

studies in neurobiology have shown studying and playing a musical instrument increases this ability

Pausing to review what I just retyped. . .

Okay.  Nope.  Just making sure.  Still not there.  Text-messaging, internet chatting, status-updating, mp3 player-listening, television-watching, and video game-playing are not there.  Interestingly enough, these things don't fall into the 'face-to-face interactions' or 'studying and playing a musical instrument' categories.  So now I will pause for you to consider the implications that having increasingly plugged-in lifestyles has on our children's skills in making and keeping friends and, subsequently, on their current and future happiness.  

. . .Still considering?

And now I will pause for you to consider the implications that having families and parents and caregivers who fail to recognize, acknowledge, and/or take responsibility for managing technology in their homes has on our children's skills in making and keeping friends and, subsequently, on their current and future happiness.

. . .Still considering?

Children's ability to recognize and respond to non-verbal cues, forge and maintain significant relationships, and build future long-term happiness is being inhibited by texting, online chatting, and the assortment of other technological activities that are being done in front of screens rather than participating in activities or one-on-one face-to-face interactions with live human beings.  Sorry, 'Guitar Hero' does not count as playing a musical instrument.

What is it going to take for adults to begin showing concern and accountability for their laziness, apathy, and immaturity in parenting their children and become motivated enough to take action to make necessary changes?  Investment in your children's lives is not about dollars and cents.  Parenting is an verb, not a noun.  Parenting is hard work, emotionally-laden, and a challenge to be the grown-up.  Is it easier to give in to badgering about cell phones and game systems and wireless gadgets and gizmos?  Is the guilt gone about your long hours at work, or your depressed mood, or having your children grow up watching bickering parents?  Is your life "all better" because you didn't risk having your children not 'like' you or see you as 'cool'?  More importantly, are your children's lives better?  In an increasingly instant-gratification driven society do you sacrifice long-term happiness for 'happy now for now'?  Grow up.

Educational success ('Wake Up, It's Time for School') and now lifetime happiness.  What will be the next casualty of your teched-out home?

. . .plug in, turn on, and stay tuned.

Murdering Peek-A-Boo

Piercing shrieks of joy and infectious fits of giggles dance through the air as three beautiful children crawl and toddle and tumble over me, each other, and countless toys littering the floor of the bedroom. Two shirts that have not made it into the dresser yet have been liberated from the laundry basket and are now priceless treasures clutched in somewhat sticky fingers and catching under knees and feet as they are determinedly being transported to their destination. With our bedtime story finished it would normally be time for kisses and hugs and rides in Mommy's arms to bed. But someone came skirting around the bed with a mischievous grin and a shirt to begin our newest favorite game - Peek-A-Boo. If one shirt is great fun then two is even more exciting so here comes baby number two with shirt number two and an impossible-to-ignore light of love in his eyes.

Sometime during the last few weeks the babies have discovered the joy of playing Peek-A-Boo. As children can be, they are most resourceful and will work together to push the side of their play-yard until they have gotten close enough to the couch to reach a blanket and pull it back through the bars or grasp a pillow and launch it over the top. If these items are not accessible they have been resourceful in using clean diapers, washrags, small cloth wipies, or most recently socks, shirts, or any other article of clothing within reach of baby hands. After securing a necessary cloth item to begin the game then someone places the item either on his or her own head or on someone else's head. If possible, covering more than one head at the same time is even more fun! A quick snatch at the veil to reveal the face underneath it results in a laughing symphony so lovely you find yourself holding your breath hoping it never ends. Just as much fun as revealing a face is the simple act of arranging the item on your own head or on someone else's head. And as socks do not provide quite the same coverage as blankets, and shirts have pesky sleeves that tangle and dangle about, covering the head or face is really just a general idea. Oftentimes the head and face are left uncovered completely as the Peek-A-Boo veil drapes around the back of a neck or flops over an ear. But no matter. The end result is the same - smiles and laughter and joy for as long as someone will play this wonderful exciting amazing game with you.

According to a study done by German Psychologist Dr. Michael Titze, children smile and laugh spontaneously 300 to 400 times a day while adults smile and laugh less than 15 times a day. Additionally, fifty years ago people laughed 18 minutes a day; however, today they laugh for only six minutes a day.

From the first day that I stopped in my tracks to watch this perfect joy that three babies were creating I pondered, and mentioned to others, and pondered some more a question that wouldn't leave me alone, "What in the world happens to us?" Not yet having seen search engines giving up page after page of references to studies supporting this finding that children smile 300 to 400 times a day while adults only smile less than 14 or 15 times a day, I wondered at my realization that something happens somewhere along the way that murders the joy of Peek-A-Boo.

What do we do to babies and children, or what do we do to ourselves that the joy of something like playing Peek-A-Boo is killed and replaced with the demand for more More MORE??? People have developed a sense of entitlement that breeds a "need" to be constantly stimulated in order to feel entertained. They must be constantly plugged in or turned on. Computers and MP3 players and video games are required. Television must include HD and cable and DVR. Cell phones must have internet access, and text messaging, and games, and calendars, and maps, and music, and books, and. . . Anything less is not enough. Blankets and socks lay forgotten, and silly food-smeared faces of people we love stay covered while empty hearts and thoughtless minds passively await their smile allotment from boxes and screens and little hand-held gizmos.